My Life As A Hooker

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Steven Gauge’s response to an impending midlife crisis didn’t involve piercings, tattoos or leather trousers – instead, he decided to take up rugby. In the process he made a number of important discoveries:

First, that in this ultimate contact sport, class divisions melt away in the presence of rugby’s own eternal divide: the Forwards and the Backs.
Secondly, though biting is generally frowned upon, it does occasionally take place and can be discouraged by applying Deep Heat to the ears.
And, finally, turning up on time with your kit is far more important than knowing what to do with the ball if it ever reaches you.

By the end of his first few seasons, Steven had cracked his nose and various other parts of his anatomy – but he had cracked the game too, and found a place in the club as Captain of the Fourth XV at Warlingham RFC.